


There's A Room Where The Light Won't Find You

by F1nch



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Amnesty - Fandom, the adventure zone: commitment
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Fourth Arc, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesty Spoilers Up To Episode 19, Blood, Crossover, F/F, Gen, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Monsters, No Finale Spoilers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Pre Amnesty Finale, government shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2020-11-24 10:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20906480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/F1nch/pseuds/F1nch
Summary: Alternate Title: one foot on the gas (and one foot in the grave)Despite the Pine Guard’s best efforts, an abomination has escaped the bounds of the Monongahela National Forest. When the news reaches a certain fellowship, The Wonder Triplets must come out of hiding to stop a war with an alien planet, all while contending with a strange trio from Kepler, West Virginia.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic starts two months after the fall of the Do Good Fellowship, which is also, coincidentally, two months after the Tree abomination. When I started writing this, episode 19 had just come out. While some information was used from later episodes, this fic only follows canon up until episode 19.  
Chapter Warnings: None  
And a big thanks to @the_accidental_horcrux for beta reading!

Duck’s visions tended to be relatively clear. How the events were to transpire, what would lead to them, how they fell in place with everything else, those were always obscured. But the image was always clear and lucid.

This time, not so much.

The air around him felt thick. Unnatural. Almost as if he were underwater, suspended a few feet off the ocean floor. In limbo, between drowning and wakefulness. It was easy to breath, but oxygen caught in his lungs.

He didn’t quite know where he was. All he knew was that he was running. Looking around, all he could see was emptiness. Empty shops. Empty streets. Barren restaurants. 

It wasn’t any place he had been before. Or it could have been a town he had maybe seen once. One he had passed through. A streetside destination, with nothing more than a gas station and a diner, to host weary travelers that happened to be passing through. A distant acquaintance of a town.

This wasn’t like any town he could discern, though. Everything, the architecture, the colors, the writing, it was all unfamiliar. 

It was all washed with warm colors, brushed over the spherical buildings and lighting up the strange, almost nordic lettering on the various structures.

Duck didn’t stop to investigate. He couldn’t. Something was pushing him forwards. Or, rather, he was running to something. Something that pulled him forth, like a rope tied to him being yanked. He was just trying to keep up. Trying not to lose his balance.

He soon saw what this mysterious force was.

After leaping down a set of stairs, three at a time, he ended up in a courtyard. Flowers and grass sprouted all around, with a bright, orange centerpiece. Some kind of amorphous blob, standing at least seven feet tall. 

Something compelled him to touch it. He didn’t get the chance. 

The object exploded, shattering into a thousand tiny pieces. Shards slammed into him, sending him a few feet back. 

When the flashbang had dissipated, and his vision had been returned to him, all that stood before him was a sinkhole.

Maybe not even a sinkhole. He couldn’t quite tell. Everything was too foggy. Just a massive hole, leading into an even bigger underground cavern.

The orange shards fell into it, drawn downwards by some force. They spilled out into a giant pile in the cave below. It almost looked like an hourglass. 

Duck woke up.

* * *

  
  


Flats clicked against the tile floor, the hollow echo hitting the walls of the narrow hallway and dissipating. Fluorescent lights along the ceiling buzzed.

Martine’s dull, grey suit matched well with the rest of the dull, grey interior of the office building. Her hair was tied up into a neat ponytail, high on the back of her head, pulling most of her hair out of her face. 

“You wanted to talk?” she chimed. A smile was present on her face, though it didn’t make her expression any easier to read. 

“Not me,” the man she walked next to spoke. He was shorter than her by a long shot, with dull blond hair that had a paler shock near the scalp. “I was just on my way to lunch break. Another guy wanted to talk. Why he couldn’t come get you himself, I don’t know.”

Martine blinked, mulling that over for a moment. “Who?”

“I’m blanking on his name, now. He’s not in the office much. Taller guy, brown hair, wears a tie all the time.”

“I don’t think we’ve met. Any idea of what he wants?”

“Not a clue.”

They stopped in front of an office door. The man quickly turned to take his leave. 

“Have a good lunch!” she called after him. 

He didn’t respond as he turned the corner of the hallway. 

Martine put on the most professional, crowd-pleasing smile she could, opening the door and stepping through. 

She was still in the legal grey area. A stranger requesting her presence likely wasn’t a good sign. Especially since he hadn’t told her directly. 

“Good afternoon,” a masculine, chattery voice spoke. A middle-aged man, maybe in his early forties, sat behind a desk scattered with papers and notebooks. He wore a suit, very similar to her own, with a black tie, as was, apparently, his forte. 

“Afternoon,” she replied curtly. 

“Do you have the time to chat for a bit?”

“Of course.”

He smiled, holding out his hand. “The name’s Agent Joseph Stern, but Joseph is fine. It’s good to finally meet you.”

* * *

“Get on the ground! Now! Get down!”

“Sir, the police are on their way-“

“Shut it!”

The bank’s alarms blared overhead, lights flashing like flickering lanterns. The decorative pillars in the lobby were bent and mutilated, twisted like corkscrews. Sections of the roof drooped where their supports had been destroyed. 

A man stood in the center of the carnage, his back to the doors, which had been crumpled in the same manner that the pillars had. He was younger, lean in stature, with straight, black hair. 

“Now get on the ground, before I bring this whole building on top of your head,” he snarled, practically baring his teeth. As he spoke, his hands ignited with a blue glow, running from his fingers to his forearms. One of the pillars seemed to collapse under its own weight, dissolving to metallic rubble on the floor. 

The defiant bank customer, who had formerly been yelling at the man, shrunk back, joining the rest cowering on the floor. 

* * *

Footsteps crunched through the crackling underbrush, twigs snapping as they were crushed by shoes. The winds of early spring sung in the trees of the dense wood, accompanied by the chatter of voices. 

“Are we there yet?”

“There is no there. We’re hiking, honey! We’re out here to see the sights and-“

“Well I hate the sights.”

The steps became louder and angrier as the tension rose. 

Then, they stopped. 

The massive oak ahead of them opened its eyes. All at once, the creature faded into existence, out of nowhere. Three mouths, gaping with teeth. A rat’s tail, slamming against the ground. 

Six eyes, looking at them. 

The hikers screamed. 


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Pine Guard comes face-to-face with their prey, but how soon can the hunter become the hunted?  
Mary Sage holds her own. Aubrey misses. Duck just wants to keep his car intact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a fight scene!  
Chapter Warnings: Depictions of knives and car crashes

Richard tapped away at the dinky laptop sitting on the kitchen table, the mouse scraping on the wood. His shaggy blond hair hung halfway over his eyes as they scanned back and forth over the text on the screen.

The door on the far side of the kitchen clicked and was pushed open. 

He quickly finished reading the article before closing the laptop. It seemed like Martine was home particularly late today. Meaning that, likely, something bad had happened at work. 

She stepped through the door, purse slung across her chest.

Her hair was as neat as it was when she left in the morning. Meaning she hadn’t fiddled with the hair tie holding it in place, which she always did when she was frustrated. 

Meaning that, likely, Martine had had an alright day.

“Hey, hun,” he spoke, voice calmer and more natural than the one he used when he performed. 

“Hey,” she replied. Her tone wasn’t snippy, nor curt. Yep, she had definitely had a good day. In fact, her voice almost carried a sing-song-like property to it. “Guess wha-at?”

Excitement wasn’t usually an emotion Martine had. Now, though, it was radiating off of her. 

“What?”

She closed the door behind her as she walked over to the kitchen table, taking off her purse and laying it down on the tabletop. She unzipped her bag, taking out a few crumpled papers, which she quickly flattened. 

The pages were covered in neat handwriting and crude drawings. The top of one read ‘ _ The Lady Flame _ ,’ while another contained a bullet point list of abnormal corpses of wildlife. 

“The game is back on.”

* * *

Glass shattered upon the floor, exploding into a thousand tiny clicks as it struck the hardwood. A single breath blew out the candles that had hung from the ceiling in the form of lights. 

Heavy breathing sounded over the earpiece, accented by coughing that was quickly muffled. 

“Lights out,” Mary spoke, crackling over the weak connection, as if it were spoken over a paper cup telephone.

“Get out of there,” Nadiya replied, sharp and decisive. She hated this mission idea from the beginning. Knocking out the lights in the bank was a good idea in theory. In practice, Mary's skills with stealth were lackluster at best. Mary was almost surprised to hear no sense of smugness in Nadiya’s voice. Apparently, ‘I told you so’ didn’t have quite the same effect in a life or death situation.

Mary took a deep breath. Her back was pressed to the pillar in the dark room. The shadows shrouded her, and they, too, shrouded her escape. 

A blue light began to glow near the entrance, reflected by the metal door opposite it.

“No can do. He’s blocking my exit,” she whispered, eyes locked on the reflection of the light. It shifted, morphing into the shape of an arm, hand clenched into a fist.

A sigh echoed in her earpiece.

“Well, fuck.”

* * *

Mud splashed beneath tires, the truck’s engine roaring as it strained to keep the axles spinning. The strength of three hundred horses hauled the metal beast through the forest trail.

The front end lurched off the ground as the left frontal tire sped over a fallen tree, sending splinters into the rubber.

“Shit!” the driver shouted, briefly taking one hand from the wheel to shove his ranger’s hat from his eyes. 

“Turn! Turn!” a younger woman yelled from the passenger’s seat, gripping the dashboard with both hands for dear life. 

“What?!”

“Tree!”

The driver cranked the wheel to the right, as far as it would go, narrowly avoiding a massive oak tree that stood in their way.

The forest in front of them rapidly grew thicker, dense undergrowth tangling in the tires and clinging to the windows. The vehicle trampled saplings.

Yet, still, as it flew forwards, pedal to the metal, it wasn’t fast enough.

“Can’t this thing go any faster?!” an older, gruffer voice shouted from the back seat.

“How close is it?”

“See for yourself!”

The driver’s gaze briefly flicked to the rear view mirror, for just long enough that he could get a glimpse of the beast that had been tailing them for miles.

It was massive, larger than the truck, with a body vaguely shaped like a bear, but far, far worse. Its round, flat face served as the only part of its body not covered in a thick layer of fur. That was, besides from the slashes and scars that covered its skin, and the rat’s tail that swung out behind it.

What flesh was visible was red, angry, dry, and cracked. From its hind legs emerged bovine hooves, while on its front limbs it bore grotesque, almost human hands. 

Six eyes were set into its face, divided by three mouths, all boasting bared teeth. Two antlers, which appeared almost to be saplings, sprouted from the top of its head between two flapping ears, like those a cocker spaniel may have. 

Even with its massive, lumbering size, it was still going faster than the vehicle, only slowed by its repeated lunging for the truckbed. 

“Duck!”

“What?!”

“ _ River _ !”

“Ri-what?!”

Before Aubrey had time to explain, the truck was flung into midair. Its tires spun in the air for a few moments as it flew across the river.

The few seconds it hung in the air felt like hours, with the hood diving towards the ground on the other end. It was no doubt that the vehicle would be destroyed, but it might just-

It didn’t. It didn’t make it.

The front tires scrambled for purchase on disintegrating ground, but did nothing but shred dirt. The engine roared and screamed, but it wasn’t enough. They were falling backwards, backwards-

An oversized, humanoid hand grabbed the rim of the bed, and the truck was yanked back. Into the river.

* * *

The crackling in Nadiya’s earpiece grew louder, louder, until it overtook the voice it transmitted. She yanked it out as a headache began to bite at her forehead, letting the earpiece dangle from the headband it was attached to. 

She hit a button on the car’s ceiling, illuminating it with an overhead light that was almost blinding to the three that had been sitting in darkness for so long. 

“Comms line down,” she spoke sharply. 

“Wait, what’s going on in there?” Remy asked nervously from the passenger's seat, gripping the handle of the black backpack that sat between his feet. 

“Nothing good. We’re going in.”

“At last! Glorious battle!” Kardala shouted, her voice echoing in the small vehicle. She scrambled up from her position, as she had been resting, shaking the car as she did so.

“What’s the plan?” He quickly unzipped the bag, grabbing out several pairs of what looked to be lab goggles. He tossed one to Nadiya, and threw another vaguely in the direction of where Kardala was in the backseat.

“Don’t die.” Nadiya replied bluntly, taking her pair of goggles and putting them on. Before Remy had time to ask any more questions, she yanked open the car door and jumped out onto the pavement.

A single streetlight shone down on the bank that their car sat outside of. The bank that was half destroyed, with one side of it slumped over, and an entire wall lying on the ground next to it.

The bank that Mary Sage was trapped inside of.

An explosion sounded as another support pillar collapsed within the building, sending a whole section of the ceiling falling in.

If she was even surviving in there, that was.

* * *

The truck crashed into the river with a resounding splash. Top-heavy as it was, the vehicle resisted flipping over. At least it wouldn’t be the truck killing them. The abomination leaped out of the way, landing in the water, soaking its own feathers in mud and algae. 

Duck didn’t think, not enough to protect his neck, anyways. He kept his hands firmly on the wheel, one foot on the floor and other on the pedal. The wheels still spun, fruitlessly, splashing mud on to the cliff-face.

Ned was the first to come to his senses. The hood slamming into the rock face seemed to knock his head on straight, prompting him to swing open his door.

It was a seven foot drop to the ground, at least; not counting the depth of the water. But it was either that or get crushed.

He jumped, grappling onto the cliff face for a mere moment before falling into the river below. For a few dreadful seconds, he was completely submerged, cold water seeping through his clothes and aquatic plants tangling at his feet. 

As the truck finally fell, losing its grip on the cliff-face, water was sent surging upwards, nearly launching Ned to the surface. At the very least, it gave him enough of a jolt that he began to tread water almost subconsciously. 

The ranger’s truck stuck out of the water at an incline, with the front half above water, but everything else completely submerged. 

Aubrey clambered out of the truck before Duck was able to, likely because the latter appeared to think that, if he let go of the wheel, he would die. The spellslinger scrambled to the roof of the car, gripping the metal bars fastened there as she crouched down. On hands and knees, she crawled to the drivers side window, slamming her fist into it. Not enough to break it, but enough to awaken Duck from his daze.

She wasn’t fast enough, though.

In the minute or so it had taken Ned and Aubrey to escape, the abomination had freed itself from the mud, and was stampeding at the truck, splashing water behind it like the wake of a speedboat.

Aubrey dropped to her knees, releasing her grasp on the roof just long enough to generate a blast of wind, which sent out a screech as it slammed into the beast.

It shook its head, like a mustang shaking off a rope, not even slowing as its assault continued.

The sound of the front-end being torn from the rest of the vehicle was that of a screaming animal. Steel was wrenched from steel, barely giving Aubrey the time to scramble away from the windshield.

The massive wave generated by the abomination and the large chunk of car slamming into the water was enough to throw Ned against the cliff-face.

As the front wheels had been holding the truck up, their absence was more than enough to send the whole vehicle to the water. Duck was practically tossed into the river, headfirst, followed quickly by Aubrey. The two gasped for air as they clambered to the riverbed, dripping wet and caked with mud.

“Run! Get out! I’ve got this!” Ned shouted from where he stood. He had climbed to the riverbed on the opposite side, and, in his hands, rested a toy gun, coated with mud and plants.

“What? No, come on!” Aubrey yelled back.

“I have a gun, Aubrey!” He cocked said weapon. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Having lost sight of its other two targets, the abomination turned to Ned, its six eyes locking directly on him. It was large enough that it filled nearly his entire frame of vision, towering over him enough that he had to look up to see its hideous face. 

Ned put his eye to the scope, aimed, and fired.

* * *

Concrete dust filled the air as another pillar collapsed, steel bending and writhing until it was no longer strong enough to hold up the roof. A large piece of debris barely missed Mary’s head as she tumbled out of the way.

She couldn't fight. She couldn’t defend  _ herself _ , much less fight back.

That blue light was all there was to be seen in the shrouded room. A thick layer of black velvet seemed to cover everything, leaving maneuverability up to chance. 

How in hell had she let Nadiya talk her into this?

At the very least, Mary knew where the exit was. Both exits, in fact. The problem being, her adversary did too — and, for whatever reason, he seemed determined to keep her trapped in here.

Her gaze flicked back to where the doors were, as if, miraculously, they would open at any moment.

They didn't.

She got to her feet, a skill she had become quite practiced at in the past ten minutes. 

How was he so quiet? She could hardly hear him move.

A crackle. The sound of a shoe striking hardwood. Her attention turned to the spot. At the same time, her hair, red and tangled as it was, began to thrash and float around her head like a bonfire. The ceiling light above where the noise had sounded suddenly ignited, flashing bright yellow, before exploding, raining down glass.

This must’ve been the eighth, no, ninth one she’d destroyed. And the ninth time she’d missed. 

There was nothing, and no one, below that light.

Her vision was starting to get blurry, though it was difficult to tell in the pitch-black room. She wasn’t supposed to be using her powers this much, at least not this quickly. That never ended well.

A flash of yellow light ignited from behind her. That, that wasn’t her, right? She wasn’t losing control of her powers, right?

With a grand crash, the metal front doors slammed open, bringing in light from the outside. Though it was sparse, it was more than enough to uncover her adversary’s position.

Their attacker let out almost a feral snarl. It was inhuman, at the very least.

His eyes were a hircine yellow, which matched the golden snake bites and earrings he wore, but contrasted greatly with the blue glow surrounding his arm. He was younger, maybe even younger than Mary herself. Not a kid, but not far away from it either.

He didn’t realize fast enough that the doors were open, nor did he quickly enough realize the thunder goddess hurtling towards him.

Kardala slammed into GoldenEye from behind, tackling him to the floor and pinning him there. The blue glow began to grow more vivid — a warning sign as his powers engaged.

But now Mary had the upper hand. He couldn’t hide any longer.

The light above him flashed, giving Kardala just enough time to roll out of the way before broken glass rained down on her.

GoldenEye didn’t have time to do so. The wounds were in no way fatal, but they would keep him down. It would buy them time.

As Nadiya and Remy sprinted in, both after Kardala, Mary felt just about ready to collapse.

* * *

The abomination shook its head, spraying mud onto everything in its vicinity.

Ned took a step back, an equal mix of tentativeness and terror flooding him. 

This monster had just eaten the dart from the Narf Blaster. It didn’t even seem affected. It just ate it. 

He hadn’t hurt it at all. Though he had certainly pissed it off.

Six eyes narrowed in his direction as the beast placed a humanoid hand on the riverbed, pinning Ned between it and the cliff face behind him.

He glanced around, looking for anything, anything that could help. 

He saw Aubrey.

Directly against what he had said, she had stayed, and now had a massive inferno building in her palms.

“Ned! Watch out!” she bellowed, though the wind whipped away most of her voice. He dipped out of the way as fast as he could, sprinting to the left. 

She released the flame, and missed.

It was a long shot of a throw. Downwind, downwards, and too far to throw a rock reliably, much less a flame.

The inferno slammed into the rock face, leaving a charred mark on it.

The abomination hardly seemed to notice. All it cared about was speeding towards Ned, at a rate that grew more and more rapid by the second. Its hot breath seared on his face as he hit the edge of the riverbank, stuck between water and land.

He could feel it, only feet away from him, when he spun, slamming the Narf Blaster directly into its face.

The beast reared up in pain, letting out a horrific screech that must’ve scared away any bird nearby.

* * *

GoldenEye scrambled to his hands and knees, shaking off the glass and getting to his feet. The glow of his arm brightened as he balled his hand into a fist.

“Get out of here!” he snapped. His voice hardly sounded like that of an adult. He took a few deep, shuddering breaths as a metal support beam behind him began to slump. “Get out of here. Right now. You have twenty seconds before I bring this whole building down.”

Nadiya narrowed her eyes at him. She knew full well that there were hostages in the back room. He could kill them all, as well as her and her teammates.

But, either way, the hostages would die. And, besides, this guy was a dick.

She gestured for Remy to stay back before turning her hand to a knife.

“Oh, will you?”

If there was anything she had learned in her brief time as a superhero, it was that she had to be fast. She wasn’t strong like Kardala, or agile like Remy. So, she had to be fast.

And she was.

As GoldenEye was about to utter another arrogant threat, she rushed forwards, darting one way, then the other, and ending up in front of him, the knife to his neck.

The one-liner died in his throat.

* * *

The beast drove its hands down on either side of Ned, that awful, scarred face staring down at him. A single drop of saliva dripped down, landing next to his foot.

Hardly aiming, moreso just shooting at where the beast was, he raised the Narf blaster, yanking the trigger back. The recoil shot through his arm as the blast launched from the muzzle, directly into the maw of the beast. It let out another screech as it was knocked backwards —

* * *

— until his back was against the wall. GoldenEye’s eyes widened, shallow breathing shifting the knife held against his throat.

“You are going to leave, and you’re never going to hurt anyone, ever again,” Nadiya growled. 

This was all too similar to the broadcast. She hated it.

GoldenEye’s brow furrowed. With a sudden burst of strength, he grabbed Nadiya’s wrist, pressing his foot against the wall to give him the leverage to push her back. In a split second, the tide of battle had been flipped, with Nadiya’s own knife against her neck.

She didn’t have time to turn her hand back —

* * *

— to his side, the Narf blaster gripped tightly in his fingers as his eyes tracked the beast.

It was there one moment, and then it was gone the next.

The abomination sprinted out of the water, hooves kicking up mud. Around it, the world almost seemed to shift. Sand and mud blurred into a brown mass. The rocks of the cliff-face blended and swirled, like an image manipulated by a computer.

It sprinted into the rocks, and it was gone. 

For a moment, that was.

Something launched at Ned from —

* * *

— behind GoldenEye, Remy appeared, having somehow evaded his detection. Nadiya still found herself too shocked to use her powers. Her arm being bent in an awkward position didn’t help.

It didn’t matter, though.

Remy wrapped his arms around the man’s shoulders, not giving him time to react as he practically threw him to the ground. GoldenEye’s arm ignited a blue, brighter than before, so bright it hurt to look at.

“Watch — ”

* * *

“ — out, Ned!” Duck shouted. As the abomination was mere seconds away from reaching Ned and tearing him to shreds, the ranger leaped down from the cliff-face, landing on its back. Briefly, the beast stopped its assault, just long enough to rear up, trying to buck off Duck like a wild bronco.

But Duck had the element of surprise. In the moment before he lost his balance, he unsheathed Beacon, slashing at abomination’s neck.

The feathers acted as armor against any major damage, but what injury the beast did sustain, was, apparently, more than it cared to handle.

It reared up, slamming —

* * *

— debris down around them. Nadiya barely dodged a falling piece of ceiling.

“Where did Sage and Kardala go?” she shouted, hoping it was loud enough to be heard above the sound of destruction that echoed around them.

“Backroom, I think. Evacuating everyone.”

Nadiya glanced at GoldenEye, then at Remy, and then, she ran.

“Come on! Let’s get out of here!”

They fled, leaving GoldenEye in the dust.

* * *

Duck was thrown to the ground, landing on his side, Beacon next to him. He hauled himself up on his elbows, just enough to see the massive beast sprinting towards him.

And, then, it was gone. It leaped into the air like a horse in a steeplechase, and was gone before it landed.

Aubrey’s voice echoed down from the top of the cliff, “Guys, come on! Let’s get out of here!”

They fled, leaving The Owlbear in the dust.


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The curtain opens on the next chapter of The Wonder Triplets' chase.  
Remy makes an assumption. GoldenEye gets in over his head. Mary just wants to take a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Minor depictions of firearms

“ _ Shit _ ,” GoldenEye hissed, picking out a small piece of glass that had lodged itself in his arm and quickly tossing it into the trash. 

The room he sat in was in complete contrast to the situation at hand. It was an office, drab and dull, with beige walls and white accents in the corners. The desk creaked as GoldenEye kicked it in frustration. 

“So, what happened?”

Martine looked far less arrogant and charismatic than she did in her Fellowship days. Whether that made her more or less intimidating was up to the jury. 

Her grey suit was crumpled and her hair was down, hanging in loose strands around her face. It was way after hours, around nine PM, and she didn’t look in any way thrilled to be in the office so late. She glared daggers at GoldenEye.

“I screwed up, okay?” he snarked. “I let them get away. I lost. That’s the end of it. But sitting here and being pissed off at me isn’t going to get anyone anywhere. It’s a waste of time.”

“Oh, but being here at nine at night is so much fun,” she grumbled, barely audible. She sat up straighter as she continued. “I didn’t ask what you did. I asked what happened.”

“I was blinded. And there were four of them! What the hell was I meant to do?”

“I didn’t ask for excuses. I don’t care how unfair the fight was. I just want to know that you can do this.” 

“Of course I can. Next time. I’ll get them next time.”

“Next time you won’t be fighting them.”

GoldenEye began to protest, but was cut off as Martine shoved a map onto the desk. 

“This mission is a bit different. I think you’ll find it a lot more fair. This time, you’ll only have to take out three.”

Martine’s demeanor had changed almost instantly. Sure, she still didn’t look pleased. But, there was almost a childish eagerness to her countenance. 

“And, this time, you’ll be the one hunting them.”

GoldenEye took the map, flipping it around so he could see it. In black pen, a town had been circled.

_ Kepler, West Virginia _ .

* * *

A song played quietly in the earbuds of a security guard, who currently sat at their post, playing a game on their phone. 

The Greenbank Observatory had long since been vacated for the night, with the sounds of consoles and scientific instruments being replaced by the chirping of cicadas. 

Midnight guard duty was never exactly fun. Sitting out here, alone, in the dark, was just about the opposite of fun. But, at the very least, it was safe. Uneventful. It was the middle of Nowhere, West Virginia, after all.

A rustle in the trees was ignored. Probably just a deer. The sound of breathing was brushed off. Just the wind. 

The sound of heavy footsteps in the grass was the first thing to set the guard off. It was surely just a deer or coyote, but the thought of something being out here with them was enough to make the hairs on the back of their neck stand up.

They took the flashlight from the wall, shining it out into the wilderness. The beam was filtered through the chain link fence, making a lattice of light on the other side.

The flashlight shone on two massive, feathered feet, with paws curled in such a way that they resembled human hands. 

Shaking with fear now, the guard shifted the beam upwards, onto the face of the creature. They only got to look at the grotesque flesh, the six eyes, and the three mouths for a mere moment, before the beast charged.

The guard leapt up from their chair, grabbing the rifle leaning against the wall. Their coworker had left it there. In case of bears, they’d said.

Oh, how they wished this was only a bear.

They didn’t have time to fire the gun, much less aim it. The oversized monster tore across the grass, tearing through the chain link fence like it was tissue paper and slamming into-

* * *

“-The Greenbank Telescope was severely damaged last night. Several support structures were destroyed or knocked over. The disk still remains intact, but has been rendered inoperational,” the news anchor spoke, gesturing to a blurry image of the telescope. Metal supports were scattered around its base, and the disc was clearly tipped at an unnatural angle. Its rim leaned against the grass. “It is currently unknown what caused the damage. The security guard on scene at the time is in critical condition, but is said to recover soon. Next up…”

Remy pressed the mute button on the remote. The anchor’s voice quickly faded.

The group had found themselves holed up in a shitty motel on the edge of whatever buttfuck nowhere town they were in. They tended to sleep in the car most nights, but tonight they needed a place to rest and tend to their wounds. Mary especially, who looked, and probably felt, like she’d just been in a car accident.

“Did you hear that?” Remy asked, looking at Nadiya, who sat on the other side of the bed he sat on.

“Hear what?” she spoke without looking up from her laptop.

“The news story. About the telescope.”

“Yeah, I heard it.”

“That’s gotta be GoldenEye, right?”

That seemed to catch her attention somewhat. 

“Where was it?”

“West Virginia, someplace.”

“Please don’t tell me we’re going halfway across the country again,” Mary whined. She was laying on her side on the other bed in the room. She hadn’t worked up the energy to shower yet, leaving her face smeared with dust and soot.

“We won’t head out until tomorrow,” Remy reassured her. She mumbled something before closing her eyes again.

“We are going to fight another glorious battle? Another grand victory for-”

“Kardala. Inside voice.” Remy cut her off.

“You really think it was GoldenEye?” Nadiya asked. 

“I don’t know anyone else who can rend steel like paper.”

“Then, I guess,” she feigned mock excitement, “to West Virginia we go.”


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GoldenEye gets lost. Aubrey gets confused. Nadiya drives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: None

“Stupid fucking trees, stupid fucking forest, bloody hell…” GoldenEye muttered under his breath. 

The trees seemed to bear down on him in the sparse light of nighttime. He had intended to arrive far sooner, but hadn’t taken into account that every damn road out here looked the same, and his GPS didn’t work. 

Eventually, one of the many gravel paths that his Jeep grumbled along led him to some kind of visitor’s center for the Monongahela National Forest. Based on the map, there should’ve been a road leading him right to Kepler from there.

And there was. He had followed it through the dense woodland for miles. That was, until he hit a fork that the map didn’t account for. He got out of his car to scout ahead. He was getting low on gas as it was.

Now GoldenEye was lost, and had been wandering for hours. Backtracking only lead him to more trees. So, he had picked a direction at random, and began walking.

For hours. And hours.

He couldn’t help but glance behind himself. Paranoid of nothing. Martine and Joseph Stern had told him more than enough about monsters and cryptids to terrify him. 

He was panting heavily by the time he found a small trail stop. It was nothing more than a picnic table and a map, but it was something. He collapsed onto the table’s bench, pawing open his shoulder bag and digging through it in an attempt to find the soda can he had shoved in there this morning.

His fingers brushed smooth metal just as a growl erupted from the trees.

The hair on his neck stood on end in an instant. His breathing quickened as his eyes scanned the dense treeline.

Two eyes glowed green in the shadows. GoldenEye’s breath hitched in his throat.

This was it. This was the monster that was out here. The monster he was supposed to keep alive.

It didn’t seem to have the intent of keeping him alive.

It was more on instinct than anything that his hand began glowing blue. That the metal pillar the map was on began to bend. That the corrugated iron on the picnic table twisted and writhed, screamed and screeched. 

The coyote yelped and turned tail as a metal pole flung itself-

* * *

“‘-fifty feet away,’” Duck read off the report Juno had filed earlier.

The Pine Guard had gathered in Mama’s office. She was away at the moment, errands or napping or something. Between hunts, she made some effort to tidy things. During hunts was another story. Papers were thrown everywhere, scattered in corners and crumpled near the trash can.

This hunt seemed to have been going on forever. Four days. They were running out of time, ideas, and levelheadedness. 

The Owlbear had no visible weakness. Nothing to impede it. They couldn’t trick it, and they couldn’t hurt it. It seemed indestructible, at this point.

“Sounds like a classic case of a drunken bear,” Ned chortled.

“Why would a bear be out in the woods at night?” Aubrey asked, perplexed.

“Wh-”

“Oh. Wait. You mean like a real bear.”

Duck stared at her in bewilderment for a moment before shaking his head, looking back down at the blurry polaroids of the scene. 

“Juno said there were no claw marks on it. None that she recognized, at least.”

“Then it can’t be the bom bom, right?” Aubrey offered. “No claw marks. And that thing definitely had claws.” Though the thought was based in reason, it was also based on the fact that if she ever saw that thing again, it would be far too soon.

“Hands. It had hands. Gross, gross hands.” Ned shook his head. “But, it rended reality around itself! All rock and stone, coulda’ been me!”

“Guess we kinda have to, then,” Duck muttered.

Aubrey stood up, murmuring, “If we wreck Mama’s truck too, she’s gonna kill us.”

* * *

The rest of the night in the motel had been relatively peaceful. As peaceful as their nights could ever really be, that was.

Remy had helped Mary comb all the debris and miniscule glass shards from her hair. As they found out, the brush he used for his tightly coiled hair worked just as well for her tangled and knotted mop. Nadiya had plotted their course for the next day and promptly fell asleep, telling the others to shut the hell up. Kardala had kept herself occupied with some show on Animal Planet. It had grand, ferocious, beasts so she was quite enthralled with it. The fact that the beasts had been pissy house cats didn’t seem to concern her.

The peace was broken as soon as the sun broke the horizon. Nadiya had shoved a map into Remy’s hands, with a new pencil line crossing from their current location to Nowhere, West Virginia.

The map had become worn with use. Covered with scratches of pencils and pens. 

It had been the sole thing guiding them for the last two months. A map buried in the bottom of a glove compartment. Just in case. Just in case something goes wrong. Just in case you became a superpowered misfit and had to travel the country while making sure you weren’t tracked by the government or the cult you fled from.

There were only a few states they hadn’t been to yet. Remy wouldn’t be surprised if they had been to every one, and just not realized it. They only tended to plan their routes if they had a place to get to. The rest of the time, they would drive at complete random, until they had to stop to get food at some Denny’s. 

Two months, they’d been out here. Protecting people. Protecting people from those with powers who would wish to harm them. 

Remy had tried to talk to Nadiya about it, a few days ago. Or maybe a week ago? He hadn’t kept track of time in his normal life, so now any constant of it was out the window. 

“Why is all this happening anyways, do ya’ think? There has to be some kind of reason behind it all.”  
“They’re crazy.”

“What?”

“Stimplants make people crazy.”

“No? No, they don’t.”

“Yeah? Lest we forget our dear Space Cadet tried to kill us on sight.”

He hadn’t tried to talk to her about it again after that. For a scientist, she didn’t seem to care an awful lot about questions like ‘how’ and ‘why.’ If she did care, she certainly didn’t show it.

He shook his head, smoothing his thumb over a rumpled corner of the map. Nadiya was already walking away, towards the stolen black minivan that had seen far too many country roads and not nearly enough car washes. The dust and dirt were so pervasive, he wondered how Nadiya ever saw out.

“Kardala? Mary? You coming?” he asked, looking behind himself. The two stood a few feet away, waiting for Nadiya to get the navigation figured out, and trying to avoid being shouted at for being in her way. 

“Yes, little man! We are coming,” Kardala replied. She had been upset at the prospect of being back in the car, but she never seemed to stay that way for long. “Ghost, we are going to the automobile!”

“Yes, I know,” Mary replied dully. With yesterday’s battle taking so much out of her, she seemed to have even less energy than usual, which was really saying something. 

Remy picked up the backpack at his feet and climbed into the passenger’s seat. He kicked the bag as far forward as it would go, pushing it against the bottom of the glove compartment. That bag was really the only item they carried around with them; containing the few things they’d acquired from when they stopped at Nadiya’s lab.

They’d tried to go home. Of course they had. That venture had quickly been halted when they’d been surrounded by squad cars outside of Nadiya’s dad’s house. They’d managed to escape in the brief moment of confusion Mary had caused by blaring the radios in the vehicles, but if it hadn’t been for that, they would likely be in custody by now.

They weren’t taking that chance. Never again. 

Two car doors slammed shut as Mary and Kardala climbed into the back seats. Nadiya immediately stomped on the accelerator.

“So,” he began, “how long do you think it’s gonna take to get there?”

“Eight hours,” Nadiya replied.

“Eight hours? Jesus. You might want to let someone else drive for some of that.” 

“Let one of you drive?” she laughed. “I’d rather crash.”


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Harris Bonkers PHD continues to be the goodest boy. Aubrey explains horses. Nadiya is /still/ mad at Joe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: None

“Hey Aubrey!”

The shout was muffled, coming from down the hall. Aubrey sat up slowly, moving Dr Harris Bonkers, PhD., from her chest to her lap. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Was it really morning already?

“Yeah?” she shouted back.

“Do you want pancakes?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Well, be quick, cause I think Jake may dang well eat all of ‘em.”

Aubrey mumbled something in response. Dr Harris Bonkers, PhD., whined as she lifted him from her lap and set him on the bed.

What was she doing? Oh. Right. Pancakes.

She quickly changed into day clothes, pulling her signature jacket over her shoulders as she headed out of her room.

The lodge always awoke before she did, but today the Sylphs seemed to have gotten up exceptionally early. Or she had gotten up exceptionally late. Probably the latter. She was exhausted, through and through, even after a long rest.

Dani had already found a table, and was wolfing down a plate of pancakes, with an intact plate of them sitting across from her. Maybe Aubrey hadn’t gotten up late, after all. The smell of Barclay’s pancakes would’ve been enough to wake all of them up. 

She sat down, beginning to pick at the pancakes laid out for her. The chunks of bread felt like cotton as they slid down her throat. She felt as though she could hardly breathe. 

“Aubrey? You okay?” Dani asked. “You look like you’ve just seen a goose.”

At that, Aubrey burst out laughing, nearly choking on the food.

“Like I’ve just seen a  _ what _ ?”

“A goose! Have you ever seen one of those? They’re terrifying! I hate them!”

“You’re so right.”

“Those have got to be the scariest animal on Earth, right? What could be worse than that?”

“Dani, have you ever seen a horse?”

“No? What the heck is a horse?”

Aubrey was just about to regale Dani with a description of the awful beasts when Duck approached the table. Aubrey jumped in surprise at his sudden appearance. 

“Hey, uh, Pine Guard meeting. Mama wants to talk,” he monotoned. He sounded exhausted, which was only accented by the coffee cup gripped in his hand. 

Duck was never around the lodge this early. It was a Saturday, sure, but it was also just past dawn. No human would want to be up this early. 

They didn’t have much of a choice, though. 

When it had been two months since the tree had been defeated, and the full moon had been nearly there, they had all been ready to defend Kepler once again, they had expected an abomination. But they couldn’t have been expecting  _ this _ . Not for a giant monster that could shapeshift, gaining new abilities each time. Not for a monster that could bend reality around itself. Not for a monster with no conceivable weakness. No weaknesses they could find, anyways, after all their days of fighting it.

Four days, they’d been at it. Four days of fights and getting up early and staying up all night planning. And for what? Nothing. And they were running out of time, fast.

For once, she wished these things were someone else’s problem.

“Alright. Uh, I’ll tell you about horses when I get back,” Aubrey replied as she stood.

“Why were you talking about horses?” Duck asked, perplexed, as they walked to Mama’s office.

“She asked what the scariest animal on Earth was.”

“Ah,” Duck answered, as if he understood completely.   
  


* * *

Three hours. That had been all Nadiya was able to take. Three hours of Kardala’s shouting, and Remy’s jokes, and Mary snapping at them.

Three hours before she parked in front of a gas station and stomped in without so much as a word. 

The teenager at the cash register looked slightly wary of her as she paid for the large coffee she had gotten. Better that than a half-assed conversation about the weather, at least.

She sat at one of the tables in the far back, only slightly burning her tongue as she drank the scorching coffee. 

Nadiya was exhausted. At this point, it felt like a constant state of being. Even after a good, long sleep, she still felt too tired to stand. Much less drive eight hours to West Virginia.

Maybe they could rest there. It was wishful thinking, but it may just have been possible. They could take down GoldenEye, and just rest for a while in some cheap middle-of-nowhere motel. It was the National Radio Quiet Zone, so they would be nearly untraceable. 

Besides, it would give Mary a break. Nadiya had a hard time pretending that she didn’t notice the redhead’s exhaustion. The constant sensory input from every computer, every light, every appliance. Nadiya had autism herself, and she could hardly handle the sensory input she got. It must’ve been even worse for Mary.

Not that Nadiya cared, of course. She was just stuck with these guys for now. Until they could go back to their normal lives.

Maybe Kepler could be some semblance of that. After the months of panic and fighting they’d been through, a sleepy mountain town would be nice.

And then some other person with powers would go crazy, and they’d have to speed on a cross country road trip to fight them and bring them down.

Because Stimplants made people go crazy. Nadiya’s invention had become a threat to public safety. It had ruined countless lives and made people lose everything and-

And she was going down a self-pity spiral again. 

She hadn’t done this. She had made a technology to help burn victims and those with skin conditions. Joe had done this. He was the guilty one, here.

It’s not like they knew where these people were coming from, anyways. They certainly weren’t from the Fellowship. They would attack something like a bank or a zoo or a hotel. Something with a hell of a lot of people. They would take hostages, and then Nadiya’s team would show up and save the day. Their opponents never seemed to do any real harm, though. They never killed anyone, at the least. 

After a few encounters with any particular attacker, said attacker’s powers would spike, before dying out completely, all in a blaze of glory. After that, they just didn't have powers anymore. The police would haul them away, and Nadiya’s team went on with their day.

It was curiosity that made a person a scientist. The constant asking of ‘how’ and ‘why’ and ‘what else’ was what Nadiya’s profession was encircled on. In this situation, those questions could be asked endlessly. She just wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answers.

Later, she would wonder. For now, she had a car to drive. 

On her way out, she got another coffee, this one for Remy. Without him, she would be lost. Because he had the map, of course.

He accepted it gratefully as she started the car again. Luckily, the late hour seemed to have gotten to Mary and Kardala, leaving both of them at least half asleep. 

Fields and forests whizzed by for hours as the Kentucky countryside morphed into the West Virginia woodland. The car’s high beams were the only source of illumination around, until the blue and red flashing lights appeared in the rear view mirror.


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nadiya breaks traffic laws. Aubrey is put in charge. The Wonder Triplets arrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Mentions of firearms, depictions of law enforcement

The black SUV was going 100 miles per hour when Mary awoke.

Engine roars resounded throughout the interior of the vehicle, accented only by Nadiya swearing under her breath. Mary was thrown against the door as the car sharply turned around a harsh corner, tires squealing all the while.

“Nadiya, what the hell?” Though it was Remy who spoke, it was exactly what Mary had been thinking.

“What else was I gonna do?” Nadiya retorted. Her eyes were fixed on the road ahead, though they consistently flicked to the rearview mirror.

Mary followed her gaze, quickly turning to look at the mirror.

With her so used to the darkness, seeing the flashing red and blue lights sent quite the stab of pain through her head. She immediately looked away, to the trees rushing by outside the window.

Remy hurriedly fumbled with the map, upon realizing that Nadiya was driving completely blind to her trajectory. He scanned it for a moment before looking up and shouting:

“Take that turn!”

But it was already too late. The car zipped right past the branching gravel road.

Mary could practically feel Remy’s terror as she watched his countenance change to one of frantic worry.

“There’s a dead end up ahead.”  
“Then how the hell do we get out of it?” 

“Uh, if you can do a U-turn, maybe. If you do it fast as all hell.”

The end the road quickly approached, with gravel blending into endless, dark, forested abyss. 

Nadiya cranked the wheel to the right, as far as it could possibly go. Briefly, the car was thrown from her control, before she wrestled it back.

It was already too late. The police car had turned sideways, completely blocking their exit, lest they wanted to T-bone it going 80.

Nadiya slammed on the brakes, filling the air with a horrible squeal. The front tires stopped mere inches from the police car’s door.

She stared straight ahead as she spoke.

“The woods around here are dense enough to hide us. When I get out, everyone else  _ run _ .”

In a brief moment of flurried panic, Mary came to the realization that Kardala had slept through the whole ordeal. She kicked the goddess in the leg, far harder than she had meant to.

She knew her attempt to awaken her had been successful, as, five seconds later, thunder clapped above.

The car may have gone 40 to 100 in a matter of seconds, but that was nothing compared to just how fast Kardala went from 0 to about 1000.

Sprigs of lightning leapt from the corners of her eyes before she even opened them, and, when she did, they had been replaced by pools of pure blue energy. 

She spotted the officer approaching, and slammed herself against the car door. Mary wasn’t sure if she had opened it, or simply destroyed the mechanism that allowed it to close, but, either way, it sprung open, allowing her to rush out onto the street.

Red and blue flashing lights illuminated the white cloak that draped over her shoulders. It combined with the aura of blue lightning crackling all around her, which served as the only other source of light in the West Virginia countryside.

“The great goddess Kardala has no respect for your authority, beast!” She bellowed as her hands became engulfed in crackling sparks. 

The officer raised his gun, and immediately got struck by lightning.

* * *

_ KEPLER, WV - Officer Dylan Abdic was left wounded on April 23rd after being struck by lightning during a traffic stop of what he believed to be a stolen vehicle. Though no storms had been predicted for that night, satellite radar detected a sudden congelation of clouds manifesting over the area at the time of the incident. An investigation has been launched by local law enforcement to identify the vehicle that had been pulled over, which had left the scene by the time officials arrived. Officer Abdic is expected to make a full recovery. _

Aubrey looked up from the newspaper Mama had handed her, a perplexed look on her countenance. 

“I’m gonna need ya’ ta take care a’ the lodge for a few days, ‘kay?” Mama shrugged her shoulder to fix the strap of the duffel bag she carried. 

“Uh, okay. Are ya’ goin’ somewhere?” Aubrey replied. 

Mama looked at her as if she should already know the answer. “Another Sylph came through the gate. This one managed to steal a  _ car _ and can control the  _ weather _ . I’m going to find them and bring them back,” she sighed. “I hate to leave in the middle of a hunt, but this is urgent. I’ll be back in a few days.”

“Are you sure it’s not just a lightning coincidence?” Aubrey began nervously tapping her foot. This whole hunt had been the manifestation of Murphy’s Law, they didn’t need this on top of everything else.

“Aubrey, around here, nothing is ever a coincidence. Godspeed.”

And, with that, Mama was gone.

* * *

Nadiya yawned, covering her mouth with her hand. The sound of the rumbling suspension had long since faded into the background. All she registered anymore were the two headlights in front of her, and the pervasive darkness they pierced. 

The car was a mess after the many hours of driving it had endured. Water bottles and gas station fountain drink cups were shoved under the seats, and piled around their feet, alongside empty food wrappers and numerous coffee cups. 

Nadiya wouldn’t be surprised if her blood was about 50% coffee at this point.

She would’ve much rather been in the back seat, asleep, like Mary and Kardala. But, no such luck.

Sure, she could get Remy to drive. Mary, even. They  _ would _ . They had licenses. Probably. Remy did at least.

But they deserved to sleep, too. Only a few more minutes. Then she could sleep.

“Turn right.” Remy spoke, sounding rather exhausted. His head leaned against the window, and he held the map at an awkward angle so he could see it. 

She rubbed her eyes blearily as she turned. A cursory glance at the clock told her that it was nearly three in the morning.

“How much further?” Mary mumbled from the back seat. She had been sleeping on and off since it got dark. Their talking must’ve woken her up.

“Only a few more minutes.” Remy reassured her.

“No,” Nadiya contrapointed. “Actually, we’re here.”

The group noticed a small, unlit sign.

“ _ Welcome to Kepler! _ ”

What they didn’t notice was the winged, red-eyed figure following them from above.


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirby meets a stranger. Nadiya makes a joke. A road trip takes a turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Depictions of break-ins, firearms

Moonlight filtered in through the dusty windows of the Cryptonomica, shining faint dappled refractions onto the plush carpeting. The beady eyes of various cryptid-themed sculptures and stuffed animals glinted in the minimal light. 

It was silent, except for the tippity-tappity of fast-moving fingers dancing over a keyboard. Kirby sat, hunched over, at a desk shoved in the corner. His face was illuminated by his laptop’s bright screen, which reflected on his glasses. Piled next to him was a mountain of empty cans of RC Cola.

The building had long since closed, but it was quickly made apparent to Kirby that he had not properly locked the front door.

_ Cling-a-ling-a-ling _

_ _ The door opened with a fanfare from the bell hanging above it. The hairs on the back of Kirby’s neck stood up as he slowly, slowly turned around in his swivel chair.

His heart was thundering out of his chest. A shape moved in the dark, only defined by two bright, yellow eyes. 

Kirby felt around for anything,  _ anything _ , he could use as a weapon. All he had was his laptop, and the RC Cola, and, goddammit, why couldn’t he have just locked the door! It didn’t matter, ‘cause it looked like he was going to die tonight. Goddammit, where were the Hornets when ya’ needed ‘em!

The stranger flicked on the lights.

He was young, though still quite tall. Golden piercings shone on the sides of his mouth, and in his ears. His black hair was tousled, with a cow lick sticking up in the back. His pant legs were covered in burs.

“Would this be the Cryptonomica?” 

Kirby took a deep breath, putting down the RC Cola can he had intended to use as a projectile.

“Yeah, this is the Cryptonomica.” He narrowed his eyes. “We’re closed. It’s three in the morning.”

Whoever this stranger was, he didn’t seem to be too interested in cheesy museum exhibits. 

“Well, in that case, would you mind telling me a bit about this place?”

“Like, cryptid-wise, or...?”

“Supernatural-wise, if you please.”

“Maybe come back in the morning, dude. When the museum is open.”

“I’m afraid I’ll be gone in the morning. Just stopping through. Can’t we just talk?”

Kirby found himself caught between frustration and fear. This man could be a complete wacko, for all he knew. But if, to get him to leave, all he had to do was tell him about cryptids? He could do that.

“Take a seat, I guess.” Kirby stood, feeling wobbly on legs that had been so tense. He moved to Ned’s desk, which had a chair on either side. The stranger sat down across from him. “You a hobbyist in this type-a’ stuff?”

“You could say that.”

“Well, we’re no SCP Foundation, but there's some rumors. You ever heard of the mothman?”

The stranger listened intently to Kirby’s explanation. He weaved from the paths of commonly known cryptids, to the Flatwoods Monster, jumping off that to move to discussions of rumored alien encounters and abductions. From that to Eugene’s grandiose tales, then a complete skip to the stories of the beasts that may or may not inhabit the Monongahela. The stranger laughed dryly as Kirby spoke of some drunken Hornets that claimed to have been attacked by a sentient lake. Though, as Kirby noted, Keith’s stories of the Mothman and a Goatman were slightly more plausible, if only because the kid didn’t take much to spirits. With his tirade on local rumors complete, he began detailing more on what the Cryptonomica was, how Ned had inherited it from Victoria, and how it was used as a studio for Saturday Night Dead. That peaked the stranger’s interest. Not surprising, as goth kids were certainly known to love their horror movies. Kirby spoke on that topic as much as he knew. He told of Ned’s escapades, alongside Aubrey’s magic tricks and Duck’s hatred of her lighting fires indoors. And of how they always seemed to be at the sight of whatever supernatural event was happening. 

That seemed to be all he wanted to hear.

“Well, thank you.” The stranger smiled when his story was complete. “What was your name again?”

“Kirby.”

“Well, Kirby, I should be going. Thank you, for that.” He stood, already beginning to head for the door.

“I don’t think I ever caught your name?”

The stranger stopped briefly, turning around.

“GoldenEye.”

And, with that, he left as silently as he came.

* * *

“‘ _ Amnesty Lodge _ ’,” Remy read, squinting to read the wooden sign’s inscription in the dark.

The group had gathered in front of a large, wooden building, with a blanket of snow covering its roof. It had quite the rustic air about it, which seemed rather cozy to the weary travelers. Despite its classic appearance, the building had a rather strange architecture. It was built as a large dome, with rectangular wings unfurling on either side. A planken path led through a neat garden to the front door. They stood in front of the garden, as they were still trying to ascertain whether or not this building was the same one on the map.

Nadiya walked up beside Remy, reading the sign for herself. She began to laugh.

Mary met Remy’s glance. That was certainly new. Nadiya was  _ laughing _ ? Was this some kind of symptom of highway hypnosis?

She stopped after recognizing their stares.

“Cause like, we’re on the run, and it’s amnesty, and yeah. Yeah. Not funny,” she rambled.

Mary smiled at that. “Yeah. Looks like we’ve found our people.”

“Yeah, good one,” Remy agreed.

“Maybe we shall enter the building, instead of standing out here and looking suspicious!” Kardala called.

Mary waved her hands at Kardala in an attempt to get her to quiet down.

“I’ll go.” Nadiya nodded decisively. She motioned for the others to stay back as she stepped along the path to the door. 

The group stood back, huddling as close to each other as they were willing to get. A breeze tinged with frost whipped past them. Their breath billowed in the icy air.

Nadiya knocked. They waited.

The front door of the lodge creaked open, letting a wave of warm air waft into the outdoors.

Nadiya was met with the muzzle of a rifle


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary worries. Irene returns. This isn't how this chase was supposed to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Depictions of firearms, injury mentions  
uploaded by val ::)

Nadiya skittered backwards, putting her hands up in a defensive posture. Behind her, she could hear the others begin to ready themselves for a battle. Static electricity crackled as Remy’s hands began to glow with force energy, as Kardala generated lightning in her palms, and as Mary’s hair began to thrash.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” the person on the other side of the door apologized. 

Nadiya put her hands down, hoping it would signal her group to cease their battle preparations. 

The person on the other side of the door set the gun down, kicking it a few feet to the side. 

Without the weapon, said person was far less threatening. They were a woman, a young one at that, with dark red hair and numerous piercings. She wore a leather jacket, which was covered in patches and silver studs. One of her eyes was brown, while the other was a dull orange. Overall, she just looked like some punk kid.

“Aubrey, what-” Another woman appeared beside the first. She was taller, with blonde hair cascading down her shoulders. She wore a loose green turtleneck, and appeared to have just woken up, judging by her bunny slippers.

“What the hell?” Nadiya spat, backing away from the door a few steps. She nearly bumped into Mary, who she hadn’t realized had moved up beside her, alongside the others.

"Sorry, sorry," Aubrey repeated. "It's really late and we get coyotes. Uh, come on in?"

Nadiya huffed angrily, the hairs on the back of her neck still standing straight up. She stepped into the lobby, if only to escape the frigid temperatures outside. Unfortunately, at their escape from the Berg, they hadn't had any coats. 

Warmth rushed over her as it raced to get out the open door. Mary quickly closed it behind them. 

The inside of the odd dome was quite cozy. Couches littered one side of the room, all gathered around a dormant fireplace. On the other side of the room, there was a setup of chairs and tables, as could be expected for some sort of communal dining hall. 

"Isn't this supposed to be a hotel?" Remy whispered to Nadiya nervously. He followed close behind her, while Mary and Kardala kept a bit further back. 

“Yeah,” the blonde-haired woman replied for Nadiya, “it is. Aubrey, would you mind getting the room keys?”

“Four?” the punk woman replied.

“Yeah.”

“There’s only two. Two rooms. Barclay is repainting the ones upstairs, remember?”

“Oh. Yeah. Uh-”

“Two is fine,” Nadiya interjected. “We just need a place to stay.”

“On it.” Aubrey nodded, hurrying down the hall. She looked quite relieved to be out of the awkward situation.

“What brings you guys here?” the blonde woman asked, trying to make small talk as best she could. 

“Just travelling,” Nadiya spoke tersely.

“Well, we don’t get many travelers. Kinda in the middle of nowhere out here. You look like you’ve been travelling a while, huh?”

“Kinda far from home, I guess.”

“Yeah. I get that.” Dani smiled somberly, just as Aubrey returned with the room keys.

* * *

“We’re gonna die in here,” Mary grumbled as soon as she closed the door to her and Nadiya’s hotel room.

“What?” Nadiya replied pointedly. She set the room key down on the dresser. 

The whole room looked ancient. The wood of the dresser and bed was discolored, faded, while the curtains were threadbare, their edges eaten away by moths. Someone had clearly taken great care in keeping everything clean, as the room was nearly absent of dust, and the wood was newly varnished. But that didn’t take away the eeriness.

Despite how off-putting it was, with its yellowed wallpaper and ancient features, it was rather quaint, and rather comfortable. There was a large bed that took up most of the room, with its headboard pressed against one wall. A dresser sat against the adjacent wall, next to a door leading to an adjoining bathroom. A window sat on either side of the bed.

“You literally had a gun pointed at you, and you still decided to trust them?” Mary sounded furious and panicked at the same time. Everything about her resembled a frightened tomcat. 

“You have a better idea of where to stay?” Nadiya bit back. “I’m not sleeping in the car, not out here. Who the hell knows what’s out in those woods.”

“Bears, probably.”

“And you aren’t scared of bears?”

“I’m more scared of the lady who almost shot you.”

“Well, I’m more scared of bears. So we’re staying here.”

“If anything else happens, we’re leaving.” 

“Oh, and you can drive?”

“Yes! I can!”

“Last time I checked, you had a concussion and were seeing double. There’s no way I’m letting you behind the wheel.”

“That was weeks ago. Two months ago, in fact.”

“Time goes by too fast.”

“It does.”

“Still. You just got into another fight yesterday.”

“Two days ago.”

“It was after midnight.”

“Whatever.”

“You’re in no condition to be driving. If something goes wrong, I’ll get us out of here.”  
“I’m fine. I wasn’t hurt. No one was.”

“You’re still not driving. End of discussion.”

“Fine, fine.”

“Are you fine?”

“What?”

“You were in that bank for over ten minutes. Alone. And off comms.”

Mary looked up to meet Nadiya’s eyes. For once, her gaze wasn’t sharp. She sat down on the bed next to her.

They hadn’t talked about this. They had hardly spoken a word to each other, in fact. Not since Mary dropped comms.

“He didn’t hurt me,” Mary replied simply.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You always take that tone when you lie. You aren’t good at it.”

“Fine. He may have gotten a few hits on me. He was faster than me! And younger, for fuck’s sake.”

Nadiya shoved her jokingly. “Don’t talk like we’re old people! And you’re the youngest.”

“Whatever.” Mary stuck her tongue out at her. “Any reason in particular you decided to room with me, then? You seemed quite adamant about it.”

“Remy and Kardala snore.”

“Fair enough. Well, I’m going to bed. I’m beat.”

“You’ve been sleeping all day.”

“When you’re my age, you’re always tired.”

The two laughed about that, and eventually went to sleep. They made it about half the night before Mary knocked Nadiya off the bed in her sleep.

* * *

“This room does not have the animal planet,” Kardala announced after inspecting the hotel room for a brief moment.

“What?” Remy responded, closing the door. He set down the room key, as well as the black backpack. It was surprisingly light now that they’d eaten all the snacks in it. 

“The animal planet! It is a little box, and it lights up, and it shows the animal planet.”

“Kardala?”

“Yes, little man?”

“Do you think there’s a planet continued within the T-, the light up box?”

“Well of course! There are many animals on it.”

“Yep!” Remy covered his mouth with a hand as he yawned. He collapsed overdramatically on the bed.

The room was quaint, as far as hotel rooms went. It looked just like you’d expect for the bedroom of a Texan hunter. Minus the taxidermy, of course. Everything was carved from wood, and quite carefully at that. Some of it, like the dresser, looked handmade. There were clear marks where the chisel had cut too deep, and one corner was more sanded than the others. 

It was all so nice. A bed that didn’t smell of mildew, a carpet that wasn’t stained by mountain dew, and, hell, even a window curtain that wasn’t home to a spider. 

Way better than the hotel rooms he was used to. Better than the dorm at the Berg, even. He felt at least moderately safe here, which was more than he could say about, well, anything from recent memory.

“You look tired, little man.” He hadn’t been sleeping, but if he had, Kardala’s voice would’ve awoken him.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go to sleep in a bit. What about you?”

“I may be getting somewhat tired. But I have been sleeping all day! I want to participate in glorious battle, not slumber!”

“We can do that soon. Once we find GoldenEye.”

“Then I shall rest before this grand battle!”

Remy sighed, his gaze travelling from the floor to Kardala. “Yeah. Hey, can you let Irene out for a bit?”

“I will not once again be trapped in the prison Irene-”

“Just for a minute. It’s time to sleep anyway.”

Kardala thought for a moment. 

“Yes. But I will be quite upset if I am unable to return from the Irene priso-”

Remy stared at the ceiling as Kardala folded back into Irene. As it was the middle of the night, the only illumination in the room came from a lamp on the dresser. Its light weaved around the lines scratched above. Someone had drawn on the dark wooden ceiling, once. Remy wondered how someone would get up that high.

“Remy? The heck?” Irene’s voice was scratchy as she tried to get used to her own throat. She hadn’t been here for days. Exhaustion was much more obvious on her than on Kardala, and she looked even more mousy than usual.

“We’re at a hotel in the middle of West Virginia,” Remy explained quickly.

“Least this one dosent smell like weed.” 

“You know about weed?” Remy faked exasperation. 

“W-huh? Of course I know about weed? Who do you think I am?” she laughed.

“An old lady,” Remy replied. Irene scoffed. “How’re you doin’?”

“Tired. I’m tired.” 

“Yeah. Uh, well I was just gonna go to bed. So.”

“Could you tell me what’s happened?”

“Since you were last...here?”

“Yeah. After that we should probably sleep.”

“We rested up a bit out in Colorado. You remember that, uh, you talked that lady into letting us stay in her place while she was gone. Then there was news of another Enhanced, out in South Dakota. Calls himself GoldenEye. He’s just a kid, really. But he’s an asshole.”

“What’s he do?”

“Bends metal with his mind. Scarier than I thought. As it turns out, most buildings are made of metal! But, yeah, we chased him down, he ran off. Then he reemerged ‘few days later, down in Minneapolis. Destroyed a bank, hurt Mary pretty bad. We chased him off again.”

“He hasn’t surged yet?”

“Not that I’ve seen.” Remy shook his head. 

“Then, what brings us to West Virgin-i-ay?”

“Well, when we were resting, we were watching the news, and there’s this story about how a giant telescope out here was destroyed. The Green Bank Telescope. This real giant thing, out here in the woods.”

“Have you actually seen him here?”

“Well,” Remy hesitated, “no.”

* * *

Nadiya took a prolonged drink of coffee from a styrofoam cup, wincing as the hot liquid spilled onto her hand. The group had sprawled out around her and Mary’s room. Mary and Nadiya leaned against the walls, while Remy sat on the edge of the bed. Irene had settled herself down beside him. She felt far more situated in her physical form after a long night’s rest.

“So this place is a fucking cult,” Mary quipped.

“It really is,” Nadiya added.

“How’d you get coffee?” Remy questioned. “I want coffee.”

“Same way I learned this place was a big cult. I went to the lobby.”

“I went with you.”

“Mary went with me.”

Irene’s gaze flickered back and forth between the two as they spoke, as if she were watching a game of ping pong. 

“They really don’t like us.”

“Yeah. There’s like, what, fifteen people here?”

“Something like that.”

“They were all sitting around the fireplace. Didn’t even look at us.”

“Except for that one guy.”

“Yeah. This lumberjack looking guy actually spoke to us. He gave me the coffee. And-”

“And then we left ‘cause it was scary as shit.”

“Yeah. Thank you, Mary.” Nadiya’s tone was sharp. All of them seemed rather on edge, though Irene wasn’t quite sure why. Remy had briefly mentioned a police encounter the night prior. Maybe it was that?

“No sign of GoldenEye, then?” Remy asked. 

“Not like we’ve been outside.” Irene got up to dig through the backpack leaning against the wall. She returned with two granola bars, one of which she handed to Remy. She prefered just to listen. She didn’t have much to say, anyways.

“We should probably get on that. ‘Sides, this place is giving me the creeps now.”

“Where would we even look?” Mary spoke rather bitterly. 

“Oh, now you’re playing Devil’s Advocate?” Nadiya replied, far clearer malice in her tone.

“I was asking a  _ question _ . Do we want to find the guy or not?”

Irene could feel the tension in the room begin to grow thick. After so long together, the group had spent many nights like this, in hotel rooms. Generally, they consisted of talking and laughter and watching crappy game show reruns on tiny, grainy televisions. But, a single spark of stress was all it took to light the powder keg, and it was never long before it exploded.

“It’d go a lot easier if you could  _ help _ instead of whining!’

“I’m not whining. I-”

“And now you’re yelling!”

“You yelled at me!”

“Maybe we can ask the people here for help? They don’t sound too bad.” Irene smiled. The fire in the room extinguished almost immediately, though the smoldering of smoke still reeked. 

“They’re creepy,” Mary countered. 

“And they pointed a gun at me.”

“And they pointed a gun at Nadiya!”  
"But they didn't fire it," Irene replied, voice as cool as ever. 

"And we did kinda appear on their doorstep at three in the morning," Remy added. 

"From what I'm hearing, we don't have much in the way of leads, and we also don't have much in the way of time." As Irene spoke, she could feel the last of the smoldering flames begin to die. "And if they do attack us, we do kinda have fucking superpowers."

* * *

When the group approached the lobby, they found it empty.

The room, formerly warm and welcoming, aside from that a cult gathered in it, had become rather dreary. The air reeked of smoldering flame, this time literally. Sparse embers danced in what had been a raging bonfire in the hearth. 

As far as they were concerned, that was the end of it. This place was creepy. They didn’t like being here. And, thus, they left. 

The rest of that day was spent wandering around the town, though the bitter February cold drove them to spend most of their trek in the car. 

It hadn’t been noticed the night prior, but the town had been wrecked by a massive sinkhole, right in its center. They quickly concluded that GoldenEye had nothing to do with it, cause that’s not how sinkholes work, but it was interesting nonetheless. And, it was an excuse to stay in the quaint little town before having to return to endless highway rove.

Dawn rapidly became morning, which rapidly became evening, and, far too quickly, the sun crossed below the horizon. They left the town with nothing more than a good story.

The quaintness of the town almost made them forget the sheer eeriness of the dense woods that surrounded it. They were blind, other than the little illumination the headlights gave.

At one point, Nadiya could swear she saw eyes among the pines, staring right at her. Maybe it would’ve been less frightening if it were two eyes instead of six.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Pine Guard faces off against the abomination. At least, they think that's what it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fight scene!  
Chapter Warnings: Minor character death, firearms, injury.

“Owens? Come in, Owens.”

“This is Owens. What have ya’ got for me?”

“Rangers are reportin’ a bear attack. Askin’ for backup, near shelter four.”

“What’s their 10-13?”

“No one is on the scene yet. Ranger Divine is requesting immediate backup.”

“Roger that, dispatch.”

“You really don’t have to say that,”

Ned pressed a button on his police scanner, shutting off the device. He looked to Aubrey, who sighed as she stood.

“Let’s go save Duck’s ass.”

* * *

Was taking Duck’s car illegal? Yes. Was Duck a law enforcement agent? Kinda. Did Aubrey care? Not really. 

The old Honda’s engine wailed as its tires roared over the less-than-paved forest roads. Swaths of pines, shrouded in shadow, whipped past on either side. The clock was only minutes from displaying midnight. 

The headlights on the old thing had gone out ages ago, leaving Aubrey to drive completely blind, squinting to see shapes in the nothingness. Ned shining a flashlight out the window didn’t do much, except cause quite the glare on the windshield. Not that she could see out of it anyways.

Ned jerked the light upwards, the beam tearing enough of a hole in the dark that they could make out a sign reading “_ Shelter four _” and displaying an arrow pointing right. 

Aubrey made a turn that was far sharper than needed, nearly putting the car up on two wheels as she sped forth. As far as she knew, the rangers weren’t there yet, and neither were the cops. Their sheer speed had lent them to being the first responders to what was likely an impending shitstorm.

The car’s front tires grumbled as they rumbled upon a fallen tree in the road. Aubrey fumbled with the gear shift, attempting to back up, but didn’t get the chance. The front tires lost traction on the bark, and the vehicle crashed back down on the ground. 

The engine sputtered and died.

Aubrey’s gaze was drawn away from the dashboard by two golden eyes shining in the windshield.

She gulped.

* * *

“Police backup should be on its way. Are you there yet?” 

“W-Huh? Juno you really didn’t have to. I’m sure it’s fine.” Duck’s voice shook as he replied to the radio transmission.

“It’s a bear in the middle of tourist season. We aren’t even equipped to handle bears!”

“We deal with bears all the time.”

“Not bear _ attacks _. Did you bring your gun?”

“Uh, sorry Juno, I think the connection is getting a bit-” Duck imitated the sound of a crackling radio as best he could.

“_ Newton _. The connection is fine! St-”

Before she could finish, Duck had clicked off the radio, washing the rangers truck in silence. 

The truck’s headlights barely tore through the darkness. He flicked on the high beams, which didn’t help much. 

He was screwed. He knew that much. Sure, that was the thought that ran through his head every time he was dragged along on one of these monster hunting quests, but this time he was convinced of its truth. 

Last time they faced this thing, his car had been torn to shreds, and they’d barely gotten out alive. Not to mention they hadn’t landed a hit on the thing! 

Now he had to deal with it on his own, and he most certainly was not looking forward to it.

A sign whizzed past, reading “_ Shelter four _”, with an arrow pointing to the left. Duck cautiously made the turn. No use dying in a lame-ass car crash.

The flame of a campfire glimmered in his windshield as he brought the truck to a gentle stop. A hastily created campsite had been erected next to a fancy car that he recognized all too well.

A gunshot rang out in the darkness.

* * *

A bullet slammed into the side of the massive beast that stood before Aubrey. The plates along its back rippled as it realigned itself. 

Whatever this thing was, it sure wasn't an abomination. Though, it was no less terrifying. 

The creature stood at around the height of a semi truck, with two eyes that may very well have been headlights, and probably were. Any fur or feathers were absent from it, as was any flesh. 

The beast was built of scrap metal, held together by some inexplicable force. A car door made up it's left flank, while the side of a washing machine formed the right shoulder. It's tail, made up of a series of rusted exhaust pipes, swayed back and forth.

Another shot rang out, this one hitting the segmented steel drum that comprised the machine’s neck. 

The muzzle of the rifle appeared, followed closely by its wielder. A middle-aged man charged forth from the trees, waving the weapon crazily in his hands. Close behind, his wife ran, practically clinging to him.

“Get out of here, you awful beast!” Winthrop shouted, voice tinged by his strong British accent. He fired off another shot, which caught the beast on the shoulder. It ignored the blow, gaze transfixed on Aubrey.

“You can’t be huntin’ out here!”

Another voice called from the dark as Duck appeared. His uniform was rather sloppy, with buttons undone and sleeved unrolled, practically covering his hands. Despite, he looked more stern than Aubrey had ever seen him.

“That things is a protected species, you can’t just be firing at it all willy nilly!”

Muffy and Winthrop looked at him, exasperation written clear on their faces. 

“But, Ranger, it attacked us!”

“I know. Why'd ya' think I’m here? Now, get! Shoo!”

“What the heckle-deckle is that thing?”

“It’s computers. Now shoo!”

Though clearly perplexed, the two edged quite close to the limits of the law, and they weren’t about to argue with an officer of it. 

They were gone before Aubrey could blink. As, too, was the metal beast.

Her gaze flickered for a moment as she tried to find her bearings. Despite being the size of a semi, the towering creature moved as if it were not bound by gravity nor logic. It had turned completely-

And was now charging straight at Duck.

In the corner of Aubrey’s peripheral vision, she swore she saw a flash of blue.

* * *

Juno was right. Duck had said it before, and would probably say it a thousand times more. _ Juno was right _.

He wasn’t prepared to deal with a bear attack. He also wasn’t prepared to deal with _ whatever the hell this thing was. _

The beast was hurtling forth with both the mass and speed of a semi. Its movements were accented with a noise likely reminiscent of that of a steel mill. 

He froze, hands stiff at his sides. Even if he had moved, he wouldn’t have even had time to unsheathe Beacon before the creature reached him. 

For a few moments, he stood, aware only of his heart pounding and the frigid night air biting at his ears.

A massive paw, built of the remains of a metal fence, slammed into his chest. Duck was thrown against a tree, his breath knocked from his lungs.

He wavered between consciousness and unconsciousness, his head swimming. Things seemed to be getting warmer and warmer, the heat singeing at his face. 

Wait. The fuck?

Duck's eyes sprung open at the same time as his nerves decided to pop back awake. 

The coattails of a leather jacket flapped in his face. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust enough to see the scene before him. 

Aubrey's back was to him, and her arms were outstretched before her. A grand inferno leapt from her hands. Flames spread out on either side of her, whipping and dancing about. 

To Duck’s hazed vision, she looked almost like an angel.

* * *

Aubrey panted, gasping for breath as she forced the flame forth. As the plasma flickered, she caught a glimpse of the two glaring headlights that served as the beast’s eyes.

Molten metal dribbled down its chin as its jaw melted beneath the relentless heat.

She had held it off. Just for a moment. She had caught it off guard. But its surprise wouldn’t last for long.

A horrific screech of metal grated at Aubrey’s ears as the mech raised a leg, slashing at her with grievous claws made of fenceposts. On instinct, she raised her arms, covering her head, bracing herself.

The claws melted instantly, iron dripping to the grass and chilling as it hit cold dirt.

She took a few quick, shallow breaths as she uncovered her face. She was _ alive _.

The beast snarled, lowering its head and backing off. The flame in Aubrey’s hands dissipated as she stared on in disbelief. Dani wasn’t going to believe her when she told her.

And, then, in that next moment, Aubrey made two realizations:

  1. The mech wasn’t afraid of her
  2. She was standing under a tree. A flammable tree.

She chuckled nervously as a flaming tree fell on top of her.

* * *

Ned wiped his hands across his shirt, streaking it with lines of grease. A drop of sweat rolled down his face.

The engine sputtered once, before coughing, and falling dormant again. This was hopeless. Aubrey had completely burned out the engine.They would have to take Duck’s car.

A crash echoed throughout the forest, rattling Ned and nearly making him lose his balance.

That was certainly, _ definitively _not good.

Duck?

_ Aubrey? _

Ned left the car behind, carefully finding his way to the clearing where Aubrey had sped off to when their vehicle broke down. His heartbeat thudded in his ears as he peered around the edge of a towering oak.

He could only see one person. And it certainly wasn’t Duck or Aubrey.

Golden studs and piercings adorned the young man’s face, matching the color of his eyes. A faint blue light hovered around one of his forearms. The blue light was the only thing illuminating the darkened clearing. As it was rather faint, most of the area was still shrouded in shadows.

Ned ducked down behind the tree as the man looked his way. Upon noticing nothing, he turned back, gaze shifting to-

Duck and Aubrey, pinned beneath a fallen tree. That must’ve been the source of the crash. Whatever had felled the tree remained a mystery, but the bonfire smell in the air and the sparks crackling around Aubrey’s fists gave some indication.

Ned waited behind the tree until the man knelt down beside the other members of the Pine Guard. He patted the Narf blaster affixed to his back, making sure it was still there, before creeping out from behind the tree.

He let his gaze switch between the ground beneath him, making sure he didn’t step on a branch, and the clearing before him, making sure the stranger didn’t kill him or his teammates. 

He took a deep breath as he neared the stranger. One arm slowly moved to his back, feeling for the smooth plastic handle of the Narf blaster. 

It wasn’t there.

His heartbeat sped as he slowly turned, coming face to face with two bright headlights, mere inches from him. He had found his Narf blaster, alright. Only problem: It was in the half-melted jaws of a beast the size of a semi.

The creature dropped the weapon to the ground, setting its sights on Ned’s throat.

* * *

Aubrey cautiously opened one eye, slowing her breathing as much as she could. 

Someone was approaching them. Her heart skipped a beat, her chest seizing. At first, the stranger appeared to be a Hornet. Flashy black and yellow clothes, a menagerie of piercings, stringy black hair; but this was no Hornet she had ever seen. And Hollis had yet to tell her of any Hornets that could glow.

She closed her eye, hoping that she hadn’t been seen. It was better that the not-hornet thought she was incapacitated, for now. 

Blindly, she felt around ‘til she located Duck. She grabbed his wrist loosely as she spoke, in the quietest voice she could manage:

“You still up?”

Duck grumbled in response.

“On three, we get up.”

She took a shallow breath.

She could hear footsteps nearing, crunching over the grass.

“One.”

A car’s engine began to roar. Had Ned been able to fix the car? The sound was getting closer and closer, accompanied now by the rumble of undergrowth under tires. 

“Two.”

She heard Ned scream.

“Three!”

Aubrey and Duck took a collective gasp of anticipation as they hauled themselves from under the tree. Immediately, they were met with the glare of headlights from the beast’s eyes. It was on the other side of the clearing, but that didn’t make the light any less intense. 

The intent had been to overpower the stranger, but, as the next few seconds proved, there was no need.

Another set of headlights appeared from beyond the trees, quickly followed by a black minivan, leaping forth. It caught air for a moment before its tires slammed back down on solid ground, sending shock waves through the dirt.

The vehicle drove forward, swerving this way and that. Aubrey was sure she recognized the car from somewhere.

What she definitely recognized was the beast chasing it.

* * *

Every step the feathered beast took shook the ground, thudding in Nadiya’s chest like a resounding bass. All the energy she had left was focused on keeping the steering wheel straight throughout the onslaught. What they’d first feared was a bear was, in fact, not a bear. It was also not a Dodge Charger. It was, somehow, exactly in the middle of the two.

She didn’t know what she had done to anger the creature, but it wouldn’t give up it’s prey. And it was gaining on them. Whatever that thing was, it seemed to thrive in the forest, which is an environment cars aren’t usually known for handling. 

Nadiya dared to glance in the rear view mirror, only to find the beast not there. 

And then it was on top of them, forepaws slamming against the roof like a knife driven into a trampoline. 

The plasteel crumbled, claws came crashing down, and Nadiya’s world dissolved to black.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary wakes up. Duck lies. Ned knows about pop culture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Non-descriptive depictions of injury, depictions of intoxication, mentions of death

Mary woke up with a start, jolting up and nearly slamming into the woman standing over her. 

Said woman stepped back in shock. Mary rubbed her eyes, clearing her vision, before looking back up. 

She was met with a face she was beginning to know all too well. The punk woman (what was her name? Audrey? Abby? Something like that) looked just as she had the night prior, save for a few cuts and bruises. Even that weird eye was the same, with its strange orange glow. 

The same strange orange glow that now surrounded her hands. It was nearly blinding, with just how bright it was. 

As Mary noticed this, a shot of pain fired down the length of her arm. She gritted her teeth. She was no doctor, but it sure as hell felt broken. 

She looked back up at the stranger, who wore a bewildered expression that Mary was likely mirroring. 

“Could you lay back down?” The punk woman spoke, apprehension lining her tone. 

“What the hell?” Mary responded. She was finding it hard to form words, with her thoughts rapidly growing blurred. Was she in shock? It’d explain her blurred vision. 

“Ok, so I’m magic,” she spoke quickly. Her quick tone matched the complete lack of grace with which Irene lied. “And I’m fixing your arm.”

“Who?” Mary replied drowsily. “Huh?” The announcement of “I’m magic” didn’t exactly register with her just yet. 

“My name is Aubrey and there’s not much time. So please lay back down?” She gently tried to push her shoulder down, but Mary relented. She was stubborn, even while in shock. “Also, uh, don’t look. At your arm.”

Of course, Mary immediately looked at her arm. She wished she had taken the stranger’s advice. 

She tried to push her down again, and this time Mary didn’t resist. She felt hands on her injured arm and, then, she didn’t feel anything at all. 

* * *

“Uh, what’s with the guy in the cage?”

Nadiya’s words came slowly, her voice drifting as if she were intoxicated. She had woken up a few minutes ago, or, had woken up  _ again. _ The first time, the punk witch doctor had cast some kind of healing spell that had knocked her out. But now she was back, drunk on magic, and staring at the feral-looking man sitting behind a net.

Damn, had Irene’s life gotten weird in the last few hours. 

“He’s, uh, a friend?” the forest ranger, who Irene had learned was named Duck, answered nervously. He was seated on a couch that was adjacent to the one she and Nadiya were sitting on. Or, well, Nadiya was more so laying on it.

“You have weird friends,” Nadiya slurred. Her broken, and splinted, leg jutted out at an odd angle as she draped herself over the arm of the couch. 

“Yeah, I guess,” Duck replied. He avoided Irene’s gaze, and stared at the floor instead. She was rather upset with him, and he could tell. She had insisted on taking her friends to the hospital. He brought them here. She was  _ not  _ happy with him.

Their awkward staring contest was quickly broken as a door creaked open. Remy stepped out from what Duck had referred to as an infirmary. Mary was limp in his arms, her tousled hair nearly hanging down to the floor. 

“What happened to ‘er?” Nadiya sat up, concern in her eyes. She tightly gripped the plush of the arm of the couch. 

The punk woman, Aubrey, trotted out of the infirmary after Remy. Nervous energy converted itself into a skip in her step. 

“Uh, magic does that sometimes,” she explained quickly. A tiny flame appeared from her index finger, which she began to bounce between her hands. 

Well, it wasn’t the weirdest thing Irene had seen today. 

Remy sat down on a couch opposite Duck, laying Mary down beside him. She muttered something and leaned over the arm of the couch, intently staring at the floor. 

Nadiya’s gaze followed the flame on Aubrey’s fingers as it jumped back and forth. She seemed fixated on it.

“How do you do that?” she asked, sounding rather coherent for her current condition. 

“Uh. Magic? It’s just, magic.”

“How?”

“How? Cause, I’m a magician?”

“How do you have  _ powers _ ?”

Tension fizzled in the air. 

Before Aubrey could answer, Remy interjected, “Yeah. Uh, who are you guys? Cause I don’t know what that thing was back there. It wasn’t a bear, I know that much.”

“You aren’t from the fellowship,” Irene added. 

Duck and Aubrey nervously exchanged glances. 

“That was my dog!” Duck announced. Aubrey forced a smile, which wasn’t even as convincing as Duck’s lie.

“Dude, have you ever  _ seen _ a dog?” Remy replied, dumbfounded.

“It was. Uh, it’s just a really big dog. Cause, uh, I’m a forest ranger. And it’s my search and rescue dog. It also protects me from bears! Uh, probably thought your car was, a bear. Sorry about that.”

“It crushed our car into a goddamn tuna can. That wasn’t a dog.”

“He’s also half bear?” Duck strained, his voice pitching up like five octaves. “That’s what 23skiddo said, anyways.”

Aubrey grabbed his wrist and gripped, hard. 

“We don’t know what that thing was, and neither do you,” Aubrey spoke firmly. The flame on her fingertips dissipated into smoke. “So if you would never speak of this, that’d be great, actually.”

Out of all the ways this could’ve ended, Irene decided that that wasn’t so bad, actually.

“As long as they’re going to be okay,” Remy gestured to Mary and Nadiya.

“They should be?” Aubrey sounded unsure.

Remy looked unconvinced, but moved to pick Mary back up anyways. She seemed to be unconscious, or, at the very least, unresponsive.

“Wait,” Irene interrupted. Everyone’s gaze turned towards her. “You wouldn’t have happened to notice anyone else with powers? Or, anything weird happening?”

No one replied for a long few seconds.

“There was that guy out’in the woods.”

The voice was unfamiliar, but seemed to have come from the older man who had just ambled into the room.

“Wait. They aren’t cops, right?”

“We aren’t cops,” Remy answered. “What did this, ‘guy in the woods’ look like?”

“Um, have you heard of emos?” 

“Yes I’ve heard of emos? What is that supposed to mean?”

“He looked like one of the emos.”

“Ned, could you maybe not?” Aubrey spoke nervously. She appeared rather antsy, her leg bouncing rapidly.

“Look, I wanna know what the hell that thing in the woods was. Cause it was-ain’t a bom bom.”

“What thing in the woods?” Irene asked tentatively.

“It was this huge thing made outta metal, with ‘ese big glowin’ eyes like headlights. Scared Aubrey outta’ her wits.”

“Did not!”

“Did too.”

Irene and Remy shared a glance, and had the same thought. They both got up. If GoldenEye was still around, they had a chance to get to him.

“Wait.” Aubrey’s cool tone seemed to have evaporated. “You know what that thing was?”

“There’s a guy who can control metal and long story short we need go fight him.”

“No need to fight him.” The older man shook his head.

“We need to-”

“No. He’s, uh, he’s pretty damn stone cold dead.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. The, uh, the monster got him.”

“Um, well, thanks for helping our friends but we need to go, cause, uh-”

Remy’s explanation was cut off in Irene’s mind as a familiar voice reared its head.

_ It seems as though you need my help, Baker. _

Where were you? I could’ve used your help earlier.

Surprisingly, Kardala hesitated. A note of nervousness played in Irene’s subconscious before the goddess spoke again.

_ I could not reach you, then. But I can reach you now. And I have been in this prison far too long and- _

“Fine, okay?!” Irene shouted out loud. She was  _ not _ in the mood for this right now.

Her vision went white and fuzzy for a moment as her eyes began to glow.

* * *

Kardala was tall enough that her head nearly brushed the ceiling of the cellar. Her long black mane of hair grew out rapidly from Irene’s short bob, cascading down her back, all the way to her knees. 

Remy knew this situation was about to get a lot, lot worse.

“You’re the Sylphs that Mama was looking for,” Aubrey spoke, sounding like she hardly believed it herself.

“I am no Sylph! I am the mighty goddess Kardala!” she announced. Remy felt far safer than he had, now that she was here. 

“Kardala? What the hell?” Mary muttered, blinking herself from her slumber. 

“What has happened here, Mary of the robot angels? Are we engaged in glorious combat?”

“Kardala, we need to go,” Remy interrupted. 

“Go  _ where _ ?” Aubrey shouted. “What is going on?”

“You explain first.” 

Aubrey stopped. 

“No. You first. We need to know we can trust you.”

“And we need to know we can trust  _ you _ .”

“I saved your friends lives and you don’t trust me!?”

“No. I don’t.”

“Ok, fine, whatever. How did you get here?”

“Roads? We have, or, I guess, had, a car.”

“I mean how did you get to Earth.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re from Sylvain.”

“I am from the realm of the gods!”

“No. We aren’t. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“You don’t have to lie about this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“I know this is an alien planet, and I know you’re scared.”

“What the hell are you talking about?!”

“Wait,” Duck ground the seething argument to a halt. “Where did you find the a-, or, uh, monster?”

“By, what, uhh, Helvatia?” Remy tried to remember what the map had said, and looked to Kardala for confirmation. Of course, he received none. “What are you guys, fuckin’ monster hunters?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” the older man replied. 

“Wh-“

“Helvatia,” Duck muttered to himself. “That’s, outside of the forest. Outside of the Monogohela.”

Aubrey laughed nervously. “So, uh, the monster’s out?”

Duck nodded.

“Well, shit.”


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy talks about movies. Aubrey confesses....almost. Irene just wants everyone to get along so she can eat some soup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far, this fic has been backlogged for a while, as I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with it while also doing Nanowrimo. This is the last backlogged chapter I have. I'm still working on this fic, but I'm not sure what the update schedule will look like from now on. I'll try to keep it to updating every Saturday, though!  
Thanks so much for all the comments I've been getting on this. Thank you all so much for reading!
> 
> Chapter Warnings: None

It seemed like they’d taken one step forward, and two steps back. 

“Wait, say that again?” Irene asked, looking at Remy as if he had just spoken Latin to her.

“Ok, so, this hotel is actually a sanctuary for aliens that got exiled from an alien planet. And you- uh, and Kardala, appeared and-”

“And now they think we’re aliens.”

“Yes.”

The hotel room felt far less cozy than it had the day before. Well, Remy had been too tired to register much of anything the night before, but the room sure as hell felt different.

The innocent, if strange, scrawls on the ceiling almost looked like writing, now. The furniture had looked just slightly off before, but now its lop-sidedness appeared to be a feature of its design. Was that just how it was on Sylvain? 

“So, they think we’re aliens, and they want us to stay in their alien hotel.”

“Yes.”

Irene smiled, before breaking out in laughter. In a moment, she was practically keeled over on the bed.

“God, what the fuck?” she announced. “What the actual fuck?”

“What? Wait, what?”

“They think we’re  _ aliens _ , Remy.”

“Yeah?” Remy looked incredibly confused.

“Has it not occurred to you just how insane this all is? We have superpowers, and now we’re in a hotel for aliens because the aliens think we are also aliens. I don’t know about olympic athlete and genius scientist but this shit is  _ wild  _ to me!”

The mention of her, at least by epithet, drew Nadiya’s attention. She was pacing back and forth at the foot of the bed. Mary leaned against the wall nearby, gaze affixed firmly on the floor.

She didn’t stop her pacing to speak:

“Yeah. Plot of a movie or something.”

“Hotel for Dogs?” Irene offered.

“There weren’t any aliens in that one?” Remy replied.

“Then what were there?”

  
“Dogs?!” his voice rose to a note of panic. 

A knock sounded on the door. It was solid and resounding enough to draw everyone’s attention. Or, everyone except Mary.

“Then what was the one with the weird blue blob?”

“Monsters versus Aliens?”

“Yeah, probably. My nephews loved that one.”

There was a pause before they realized they should probably answer the knock at the door.

“Uh, hi?” Remy answered it.

“It’s Barclay. I thought y’all might like to meet the others? Also, uh, dinner.”

* * *

“You’re leaving too?”

“Only for the day. I mean, probably? Duck says we’re going to Helvetia, but I have no idea where that is, so.”

“Isn’t that the font?”

“I think so?”

Aubrey set down the first aid kit and heavy winter jacket she had been carrying to Duck’s car. Well, not Duck’s car, not really. Since his car had been, well, utterly destroyed, he was now driving his sister, Jane’s, van. At the very least, it wouldn’t be as crowded. 

The sharp, hissing winter winds whipped behind her, tousling her hair. A few flakes still clung to it from a brief earlier snowfall. 

“I feel like I should be coming with,” Dani admitted. The wind blew a strand of her long, blonde hair into her mouth, which she spit out less than gracefully. 

“I mean, there’s room in the van. It’s got like, six seats. And, uh, I mean you totally can if you want to! But, maybe you should stay back to help Barclay? With the Sylphs that just arrived and al-“

“The what?”

A note of confusion hung silently in the air. Aubrey had forgotten to tell her. 

“Um, so, you know how Mama left?”

“Yeah?”

“And how that was to investigate the, like, supernatural lightning? Cause she thought it was Sylphs?”

“Mhm.”

“So, we kinda found said Sylphs last night.”

Dani’s eyebrows raised. Aubrey could just imagine her pointed ears perking up, if she were in her true Sylvan form.

“Are any of them like me?”

“Like what?”

“Like, uh, what’s the earth word, vampire?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“Yeah. Are any of them vampires?”

Aubrey tried to think back to the night before. Her mind was so fuzzy after all that big magic.

“I’m not quite sure. They wouldn’t take off their disguises. Well, one did, but I couldn’t tell what she was. Maybe you’ll be able to talk em’ into it.”

“Maybe. I, uh-” Dani quickly wrapped Aubrey in an embrace. “I think you’re right. I’m gonna stay back, help Barclay. He’s got enough on his plate as it is. But please be safe, okay?”

Aubrey leaned into the hug. “Of course I will be. As safe as I always am.”

“Eugh, not a good sign,” Dani laughed.

“I’m responsible!” Aubrey insisted jokingly.

Aubrey’s legs suddenly felt like jelly, as they had the night before after so much magic. But, unlike then, it wasn’t an unwelcome feeling.

“I know you are. But you’re going into a forest and-”

“I know.”

“And trees are flammable and-”

“It was one time!”

“I know, I know.” 

Footsteps sounded behind them, and they both quickly withdrew from the embrace.

“You can be lovebirds in the car, but we gotta go!” Ned chortled. His Narf blaster was strapped across his back, and he held a cane in one hand, with a Ziploc bag of some weird kind of trail mix held in the other. Aubrey could swear she saw a pepperoni in it.

She and Dani looked at eachother, embarrassed, before smiling awkwardly. Aubrey picked up her winter coat and first aid kit from the ground, flashing Dani one last grin before turning to load them into the back of the van. 

Aubrey headed into the van, butterflies in her stomach, and Dani returned to the lodge, hope in her heart.

* * *

The chicken noodle soup was better than anything Irene had ever tasted.

Maybe, though, that had something to do with the fact that it was her first hot meal in two months. Or maybe that Barclay fellow was just a fantastic cook. Either way, it was a struggle for her to not just wolf down the whole bowl at once. 

Her teammates, though, didn’t seem to be having such a great dinner.

Nadiya nervously picked at her soup, taking a spoonful of it, but not drinking it, instead just holding it, watching drops of broth drip off the side. 

Mary didn't seem to care. She hadn't spoken, not since waking up from her magic-induced slumber. But she was eating, unperturbed as ever. 

Remy wasn't quite as nervous as Nadiya, as was at least eating, but he kept glancing around at the others in the lobby, as if they were going to jump at him at any moment. 

Aside from their little corner of paranoia, though, the lobby was alive, and stunningly vibrant. Silverware clattered against plates and bowls while laughter and talking kept a constant rumble in the background. A teenager, blond, with red marks around his eyes where snow goggles had long been pressed, laughed and shouted "Vibe check!" at someone who could very well have been his older sister, before throwing an empty cup at her. The cook, Barclay, stood beside a table where an older woman sat. The two spoke brightly in between bites of soup. 

Irene wished she could stay here forever. So what if they had to pretend to be aliens. Life was already weird enough. Superhumans, aliens, what's the difference. 

No more running. No more fighting.

It would more peace than she had seen since she had packed her bags and boarded the Skimmer bound for the Berg. 

The others likely wouldn't wish to stay back. They were the kinds of characters in a comic book. A genius scientist, an Olympic athlete, and some kind of religious fanatic. 

And what was she? Not exactly protagonist material, for one thing. 

If they left, she would certainly miss them. But she wouldn't miss Kardala. 

An indignant snort sounded in her subconscious as she thought that. She grinned devilishly in response. 

That's right, Kardala. No more of you. 

_ You would not do that, Baker.  _

What? Afraid of going back in the Irene prison?

_ The mighty Kardala does not fear anything.  _

Irene prepared a witty remark in reply, but did not get to make it, as a strong hand appeared on her shoulder. 

She looked up as Barclay moved his hand. He smiled warmly at the group. He was dressed in a stained apron, with his brown hair pulled back in a tiny ponytail. 

The others at the table did not share his warmth. Remy and Nadiya dropped their spoons to look up and glare at him, while Mary just kept eating, unperturbed. 

"Hey, guys," he started. As he began speaking, Nadiya flinched back like she were under attack. "Uh, if you're comfortable with it, I thought you could introduce yourselves to everyone else."

"Of course. That'd be great, Barclay," Irene chimed in response. Remy and Nadiya's glares turned to her. 

"Sounds good. Everyone done eating?" he addressed the table. 

"I'm not hungry," Nadiya replied sternly, in regards to her still-full bowl of soup. 

"Alright, then. Up, up," he gestured for them to get up, and lead them to the front of the lobby. They stood awkwardly, like kids at the front of a classroom. Mary didn't move to get up. She just kept eating, transfixed on a crack in the table. 

The others in the lobby (the Sylphs, Irene presumed), looked up at them. The younger blond boy put down a water bottle he was trying to flip. 

"Alright. You wanna start off?" Barclay asked Irene. 

"Uh, yeah," Irene felt like she was at college orientation all over again. "My name is Irene, uh, you wanna introduce yourself?" She looked to Nadiya, who made no move to speak. "Nadiya?"

"My name is Nadiya. And we're  _ leaving _ ," her voice turned pointed and sharp. 

Barclay suddenly looked worried. He looked at a blonde woman at one of the tables. She looked just as concerned. 

Remy nodded. "Uh, your friends, they're off trying to save everyone from a giant monster? They need our help."

"Remy," Nadiya gritted her teeth at him. "We're leaving. This isn't our place to be."

"And what is then?! Where do you propose we go? Another motel? A gas station in the middle of nowhere?!"

"I don't know. But we'll find a place."

"Nadiya," he snapped, "this  _ is  _ a place. There's people here who need help and-"

"And that's not my problem. It's not yours either. So let's get going. This is a waste of time."

"Of course it's our problem, Jones!" The word felt wrong in Remy's voice. "What have we been doing these last two months but driving around and helping people?! That's right! Nothing!"

"We're leaving. I said so. And who's car is it?"

"I don't know! We stole it! And now it got crushed, remember?"

"We'll get another car, and-"

"And help them. We're superheroes, Nadiya. It's our  _ job _ ."

"We're  _ superheroes? _ " Nadiya echoed him in disbelief. "Have you gone fucking insane? I'm a scientist and you're in IT. We aren't super-anything!"

"Fine. If you want to be a coward, then be one. I'm leaving. Have fun on your endless shitty road trip, you stubborn bitch!"

The lobby rung silent, except for the stomp of Remy's boots on the floor, and the chime of the bell above the front entrance.

Remy disappeared into the whipping, snowy blizzard outside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof.


End file.
